AFTER a gripping set of friendlies between Blake Walton and friend Ethan Garza, Walton has reportedly advised he is fucking quitting Melee because it’s fucking broken and bullshit. 

The set of friendlies, which became increasingly heated as Walton struggled to take a game from Garza, were organized by Garza as a fun and lighthearted way of preparing for the upcoming City of Melee tournament, but Garza just wouldn’t stop fucking around and doing silly shit.

Perhaps if Garza stopped fucking spamming Capt. Falcon’s D-Air with perfectly executed SHFFL’s, the outcome may have been different, but it’s too late because Walton is never playing this fucking aids game again.

 “Perhaps if Garza stopped fucking spamming Capt. Falcon’s D-Air with perfectly executed SHFFL’s, the outcome may have been different.”

When reached for comment, Walton advised he is turning to Smash 4 which is a much more balanced game and actually has a decent fucking roster for once.

At press time, Walton was letting a silent rage build inside of him as he was repeatedly bodied by an unknown Cloud main in Smash 4’s For Glory mode.